2025

EVEN IN CHAOS, GRATITUDE IS MY HIGHLIGHT!

I started 2025 with a lot of this I want to achieve and a lot of aspirations, but the journey was rough and discouraging.

I started the year as a corp member and now I’m ending it as an ex-corp member and that feeling is great. Last year, when I wrote my highlight, NYSC was one of my main source of depression, I felt like I had no idea of what I’m doing in Kogi state, but at the beginning of 2025, before leaving the state (for good) I saw a purpose for being there. I had young boys and girls that looked up to me, that loved my character and admired my brilliance. I had elders that cherished me and used my lifestyle to teach their kids and grandkids. My POP week/day was when I realized how much I meant to most of these people. I’ve seen people do their passing out parade and I see how much they were appreciated in this community but mine was different, even among my pairs. From the school principal adding two extra thousands to my cash gift and giving me notebooks in private to parents sending their kids to bring cash gifts to me and to youths personally gifting me. A particular young man that just concluded his secondary school but makes charcoal, throughout my POP week gifted me a thousand naira per day. My transport from Kogi to my father’s house was sponsored, I didn’t touch a dime from my pocket. Then I realized, “me self no small”. Apart from the gifts tho, I learnt the importance of prioritizing good things and people, the people their set their priorities and live the life they want, either good or bad, but they live the life they chose. I learnt that not every community sees education as an important thing, I learnt that even the laziest person wants the brightest things, I learnt patience from handling my students, I learnt how to be a better guardian for the young ladies that trusted me, I learnt tolerance because I had to live with 3 other people who were and maybe still strangers, people with different backgrounds and mentality, people with different levels of intelligence, maturity and manners. Above all, I learnt to be the best version of my own self, a version that tolerates other people, a version that keeps quiet even when I want to explode with again, a version that is better.

After my POP in march, I start an 18 months program in April, there was a battle of choice on how I want to do my program but in everything “let God lead”. In the course of my program, I’ve met new people and even people I’ve known before. I’ve became close friends with people I can’t even imagine we’ll be able to sit in the same space. Socializing became less difficult with these people and I’ve seen them ready to take bullets for me. I became aware of a reality, a reality that humans change, I was faced with disappointment and frustration from people I’ve known for years, and I’ve known to grade people with their truth. You can’t see me as an option and expect me to carry you on my head. Life is give and take. Respect me, I’ll give it back to you, disrespect me and I’ll give it back as well, I’ve been taught not to care anymore, before I’d care about how you feel when you clearly don’t care about how I feel, I’d worry about how hurt you’d be when I reciprocate (because my reciprocation comes with extra fries) but since I see that you are not a kind person, I won’t try to be mean. I realized people could really bring out the monster in someone, and blame you for your reaction. Moving forward to 2026, please be ready to take responsibility for all your words and actions.

Guysssssss, I cried this year, when I say cry, I mean wept, like confirm weeping. Despite checking all my boxes for 2025, only one thing was left out as at the beginning of the last quarter (Q3) securing a stable job, in this country, you have to know people and if you don’t know people you have to know God, in fact you have to know both. I was comfortable, I get monthly stipend from my parents but I don’t want to always depend on them for all my needs and I’m no longer a kid, so I want things to my name, I want to start giving back to them, and I began applying for jobs since last year and I couldn’t get any, rejection letter upon rejection letter. I know I am good at what I do, I even did another upgrade class and got a certificate in digital marketing and social media management. I work with brands personally but I was not feeling satisfied, I want something stable. I’ve attended many interviews both virtual and physical, all with nothing to show for it. 80% of these employers tell me that they would have employed me but because of the program I’m doing, they don’t think I’ll have time for their work. I’ve given up hope, I don’t even know what to do. Then I was scrolling Instagram one bight and I saw Paul Tomisin live video, he was doing a prayer program titled “7 nights of mercy”. It was already day two but I joined anyway, and he said someone here is looking for a job and it won’t pass the week of the prayer. Two weeks passed and I gave up again, then I received a mail inviting me to an interview for a job I can’t remember when I applied for. Then two offers came, one from the interview another from a company that has been calling me for weeks.

I picked one and I don’t regret it one bit.

Sometimes, we loose hope, we forget we have God, we forget how far we’ve gone and the little things we achieved. I’ve learnt to be the poor widow who pestered the judge till she got what she wanted and trust me with faith we’ll get it.

I lost a friend this year, Mary. Mary was easygoing and effortlessly the most pleasant person I ever met, I still can’t fathom her death tho, and I still can’t accept she’s no more. I haven’t shed a tear for death, not because I’m strong but because I can’t believe she’s gone. The tears that refused to came the past 3 months is building up in my eyes right now and I can’t control it.

Mary, my angel. Keep resting in God’s peace. You promised to be one of my aso ebi girls but you didn’t wait to experience it. Goodnight my friend, I love you.

2025 was a chaotic year and I almost lost it, I did gave up but picked myself up again.

Cheers to all of us that went through “shege” this year but still stand strong.

Even in chaos, I’m still grateful to God.

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See you next year, I promise to be more consistent with my letters.

Love, Light and Amala

Oluwaseun Ayanfebaba

🤍🖤